


Waiting is Painful

by tealpenguinz



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 22:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17272070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tealpenguinz/pseuds/tealpenguinz
Summary: Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.





	Waiting is Painful

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind that all heavy and accentuated - italicised and bold - words or phrases are from Youngjae and only heavy words - bold - or phrases come from Jaebum.

Youngjae’s graduation day came around the corner and Jaebum finds himself frantically looking for the younger from the crowd currently blocking his view.

“Hyung!” Jaebum doesn’t need to be called twice to figure out whose voice it belongs to. Finally catching each other’s eyes, Youngjae smiles and it brings the older to the heavens; even more so when he was also circled into a tight hug.

“Stand right there.” He orders latter to stand right in front of him and takes dozens of pictures which causes Youngjae to groan and whine playfully making Jaebum laugh.

_“Hyung!”_

Jaebum freezes as soon he feels someones attention on them. He looks up from his camera to meet a man smiling brightly at them. This doesn’t faze Youngjae, however, as he runs towards him and gives him a warm hug, the same way he did to Jaebum. The two fools around a little longer before midway stopping to notice Jaebum staring.

“I’m sorry! That was so rude of me. Jinyoung-hyung, this is Jaebum and Jaebum-hyung this is Jinyoung-hyung.” He smiles wildly while latching on Jaebum’s arm.

“It’s nice to finally meet the one who’s putting a smile on this little ball of sunshine’s face.” Jinyoung says making the red bloom on Youngjae’s cheeks.

“Oh, it’s nothing. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember.” Like a bullet, it strikes a chord Youngjae’s heart – heart that he feels breaking when he notices the two exchanging shy smiles.

_“You know we are more than that,”_ the youngest of the three mutters softly – enough to remain unheard.

 

-

 

Youngjae stays silent the whole ride, Jinyoung chose to come along with them since Jaebum insisted (although it was supposed to be their date). Glancing at Jaebum using the rear-view mirror, he notices the former busy talking to Jinyoung.

_They’re acting like this is a reunion_ , Youngjae thinks bitterly but he couldn’t help it. Not when Jaebum forced him to sit on the back of the car.

“I think this is okay, you can just drop me off now.” Jinyoung tells him.

_Please do._

“No worries. It’s rude to leave a friend behind, especially if he’s close with my Youngjae, right?” He makes eye-contact on the rear.

_My._

“Y-yeah,” he stammers in reply. And he wished he didn't.

The whole concept of date and/or graduation night is ruined. Youngjae feels bad for wanting it to be just the two of them. He curses himself for being selfish, but he can’t help it. Jinyoung had already ruined it by-far.  _And he wished he didn’t._

They were having so much fun.

He thinks that he too is happy for that.

He’s happy that they’re getting along so well. But deep inside him, he  _ _knows__  that  _ _he isn't__.

After all, he’d be lying to himself if he says he’s okay with this. With the whole flirting thing going on, he couldn’t avoid feeling that it’d be him instead of Jinyoung.

_****Jaebum, please don’t.** ** _

Over dinner, the older two laughed at some joke Jinyoung made. Youngjae was busy angrily shoving rice down his throat when his (kind-of-hated) friend mentions his name, making his eyes shot up.

“You baby. Here,” he fetches a napkin to wipe Youngjae’s face clean.

The younger smiles at him, but the curve on his lips soon fade away as he saw Jaebum staring at Jinyoung with adoring eyes. Not only did his eyes burn at the sight, so did his fist. He had never wished to hit anyone stronger.

_I’m not jealous_ , Youngjae begins to reason.  _ _I_ t’s just wrong. You know what? Screw it. I am jealous._

He takes the napkin off Jinyoung's hand and wipes his own face before muttering a sweet ‘thank you’. He smiles at Youngjae before he sits back up properly to eat.

That’s when they both turn to talk again, leaving him in silence and in deaf of their voices.

 

-

 

“It was nice meeting you, Jaebum. Please take care of my little baby.” He says, making Youngjae frown a little.

“Of course, that’s where I’m good at.” Jaebum replies while casually slinging an arm around the now-blushing boy’s shoulder.

_****Please don’t do it.** ** _

And as if he feels Youngjae’s reddening cheeks, he sends him a wink making Jinyoung laugh before getting off.

“Bye, ‘Nyoungie.” Jaebum returns the wave before sending Youngjae a kiss and running back to the house.

As soon as the two returned back to their shared apartment they now call home, they dropped everything as Jaebum started attacking the younger one with kisses.

Youngjae returns it eagerly and forgets that he’s still mad at him. He opts to forget all of it because that is what’s love about... right?

 

-

 

One of things that make Youngjae’s love for Jaebum deepen is his voice (and dedication to music). Its harmonic timbre sets his heart falling in love with the older again – it’s the feeling he’d always want to relive.

Recently happenings, however, made him think otherwise.

Just the week before, while Youngjae was preparing breakfast for the two them, Jaebum’s phone rang and he immediately dashed to take the call upon noting who the caller was. The younger merely laughs at him knowing the call was from the music company Jaebum works at.

Minutes later, the other returns with the biggest smile Youngjae had ever seen him wear. “What’s–”, he never finishes his question as he finds himself being twirled around by the older. Jaebum relays what his manager tells him and it also brings a grin on Youngjae’s face. He’s finally debuting! He isn’t just  _Defsoul_ , a producer, anymore – he’s going to be someone bigger.

Is there a catch?  _There never was a time that it hadn’t._ Youngjae’s heart twists as he’s told that his boyfriend would be partnered up with his  _ _own__ best friend, Jinyoung.

_And it even hurts just thinking about that._

“I have to pair up with him! You should’ve known how this works by now!” Jaebum argues.

“I know you two have a thing for each other. I’m neither, blind or stupid, hyung!” He spits back making the other angrier than he already was.

Jaebum runs a hand down his face before sweeping the things off the table making everything break into pieces. Youngjae flinches back, but it wasn’t enough for the other as he takes a stool from their counter and hurls it across the room.

Breathing heavily, it was safe to say that they had both sacrificed a part of them.

Open wounds currently grazed Jaebum’s skin.

And fresh tears are streaming down Youngjae’s face.

****Silence.** **

“We’ve been together for eight years and yet you doubt me,” the older speaks up.

“Jaebum, I–”

“Save it. I guess eight years is really enough,” he languidly replies as he takes his coat off the floor and slams the door behind him.

“Happy anniversary, love.”

Nine times he wishes he could call him back. Nine times he regrets.

_Nine times he forgets._

 

-

 

_Life’s unfair_ , Youngjae thinks to himself. While JJP had been out celebrating by the success of their hit song,  _Bounce_ , the younger finds himself still hung up over their relationship even after five months of breaking up.

He’d often ask if Jaebum had felt the heartbreak, too. But he quickly dismisses it. Who is he to be cried upon? He’s just Youngjae.

And the Jaebum he once knew was now called JB.

He knows that it’s stupid waiting for a person who’ll never come back. But he can’t help it. Hope still blooms within him.  _Jaebum will return. He didn’t really leave…_

Visits from the sleepless nights were the only things that continue to haunt Youngjae, nevertheless, he still chooses to support the two who were the reason of his nightmares. Love is such a funny thing. It drives one to do things that tear them to pieces, but they wouldn’t mind.  _At all._

-

 

“Hey.” Jackson, Youngjae’s newly made friend, speaks up making the younger sit up.

“You made me buy ice cream but you didn’t even touch it. Are you trying to make fun of me?” He says, trying to make him laugh.

“Nah, I was just thinking about something. It was probably nothing.” He says, finally shoving a mouthful of ice cream before Jackson could even ask about it.

Things have changed, Youngjae believes. After graduating, he decided that applying for a summer job wouldn’t be so bad. And he was right. The job served as good distraction. It was also how he met Jackson, a Chinese exchange-student, working to pay off his school fees.

Busy enjoying their ice cream, they didn’t hear the chime of the bell by the store’s entrance. Not that they really care if someone sees them eating openly, but this someone–

“Jinyoung?” Jackson calls out of nowhere.

Youngjae simply rolled his eyes, “he’s not here, hyung.” He continues to scoff then pushes the ice cream spoon in his mouth rather forcefully.

“Jackson?” This time, the latter snaps his head towards the voice.

And if he could explain what he was feeling in one word it would be  _ _scared__.

He is scared because he doesn’t know if this is the right time to cry.

Or if he’s scared because the man he’s still in-love with is right in front of him.

“Jae–”

Jaebum didn’t let him finish as went to take the other in a hug. Tears formed on both of his eyes as the older hugged him tight.

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae starts while he begins pulling away.

“I’m sorry, too.” Jaebum replies with a pat on the younger’s back before standing up to smile at Youngjae.

Youngjae smiled back and yet he wished he didn’t.

 

 -

 

ONE YEAR LATER

 

Time passes by quickly if you’re with the one you love the most, Youngjae guesses. It’d be that JJP had been rising to fame ever since they started winning awards comeback after comeback, but the younger’s just happy that everything was slowly turning back to normal between him and Jaebum.

Youngjae – along with Jackson – had been behind them with every success.

They molded to fit eachother perfectly. Everything was  _definitely_  normal.

 

-

 

Youngjae smiles as he walks down the aisle. His heartbeat quickens as he takes in everyone looking at him in awe. He wanted to run and never look back, but Youngjae dismisses the thought. It’s just his nerves were starting to eat him up. It  _ _is__  a crazy thing to do on such a beautiful day, after all.

Deeply catching his breath, he looks up to return the smiles given to him brightly.

With a new-found confidence, he instead turns to face the man waiting for him by the altar. Jaebum smiles at him in perfection, he was indeed beautiful no matter what.

Shaking his hands, he tries to get rid of tingling sensation.

_****Not now.** ** _

“Thank you for doing this,” the older says as he reaches up to him

_****Please, not ever.** ** _

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiles before silently taking his place.

He stands up straight as he waits – waits for the right one to walk down the aisle.

Everyone stands up as soon as music changes to a different,  _familiar_  beat. The guests were left in awe as more light enters the venue when the doors are opened widely.  _He’s_  finally here, his best friend, dressed beautifully in a white suit. And soon would be in the arms of the one he loves.

Jinyoung sends a nervous glance to both Youngjae and Jackson, however, they dismissed it with a reassuring smile that everything will be fine.  _When hasn’t it ever been?_

Suddenly feeling conscious, Youngjae stares down at his shoes as if it was the most interesting thing in the world to do. He doesn’t want to admit to it, but he’s not happy. Acting like it will never cease the pain tugging his heart.

Putting his attention back on Jaebum, he notices the fresh tears brimming his eyes. Yet, amidst all that, he’s smiling ever so heavenly. This is the happiest Jaebum has ever been and it pains him to know that it wasn’t directed at him.  _When has it ever been?_

_What-ifs:_ Youngjae had been drowning in its abyss for as long has he could remember. All the good and bad – it gets to him at times. He never once succumbed to the temptation, but for now, he allows it. He ducks his head down and sobs quietly, keeping the smile on his face.

He’s just too happy for them, is all.

But, there are two who knows that he isn't.

“You may now kiss–”

“–wait,” Youngjae declares, causing the priest to stop and everyone to look at him.

He paused.

And he realizes that–

He has the power to stop everything;

Stop everything of falling perfectly into place.

But he didn't. Even if it hurts.  _So much._

“I need to see this. Give me a sec to calm myself,” he jokes while wiping the tears in eyes, making everyone laugh.

“Are you okay now?” Jinyoung replies back as the laughter doubles at the exchange.

He asks himself the same question every day. Whether the other knows it or not, he does. It becomes a habit and whoever stays has more. Having a heart in two isn’t easy, after all.

****If I love you, will you stop?** **

Youngjae smiles, “yeah. I’m glad.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was already written last year, but we just decided to post this now. My friend (@leepabo) actually wrote this, I just edited and added more content to this, it just so happens that she doesn't have an account in this platform; so I'm not supposed to get all the credit.
> 
> Our first language is not English, so we apologise in if there's any misusage of words and/or phrases in this work.
> 
> We hope you enjoyed reading it, the way we enjoyed writing it!


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